Tag Archives: Relationships

Is Silence the Answer?

How important is communication in a relationship? I am sure the answer is obvious – VERY much! Alright. But despite good communication, healthy love, and all positive things in a relationship – why do things go topsy-turvy? Hmmm! Expectations is the culprit I believe. But what’s expectations got to do with communication. Well, on a closer look, there is a deep connection.

There’s no one in this world who has no expectations (except for monks and people on a spiritual path). But how one handles the expectation is the question. Every partner has some expectations, but your partner is no God to know about your expectations. So if one does not communicate the expectations, and still expects that they be met – there are bound to be some bumps on the road. So to ensure a bump-free ride (at least on the expectations front) communication is the key!

To sum it up, silence is never an answer when it comes to expectations. Well, that’s a different matter whether your expectations are met or otherwise. Now that looks like a good topic for my next write-up 🙂

Do share your comments, suggestions and experiences!

-Raj

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Think before you say you “don’t have time!”

Time has always been a precious commodity. In this fast paced and fast changing world, it has become the most precious of all. Wherever you go, whoever you meet is always on a “time crunch”. “I don’t have time…” seems almost like the “in-thing” to say. Even I have found myself saying this same phrase many a times. Looking back, it seems to me that it’s not at all true. In fact it is not at all possible. When someone is unable to manage his time or if she is not good at prioritizing her commitments, the situations for “I don’t have time…” will be aplenty!

Time management is but an essential skill that one must possess. Why? One must find time for all the things in life – one cannot stay focused on one aspect of life and forget the rest. You have job, you have a family, you have social commitments, you have friends, you have your personal interests – each of these is as essential as the other. If one focuses on his business/job – so much so that one can’t find time for the family – then the success in your career is coming at the cost of your relationship.

time

In my case it so happened that I was so occupied in expanding my business that I “couldn’t find time” for even calling up my friends. That had a bad effect. Friends who I was close to felt I was no longer close. All this because of my ignorance. Only after this do I realize that things do add up. If I am moving up in one aspect of my life, I must never neglect the other aspect.

I now realize that this kind of self talk – that “I don’t have time…” goes on to become a self fulfilling prophecy. When you think you don’t have time, you eventually believe it to be true. When you believe that as a fact, your actions/reactions will be in accordance with the belief that you are running out of time. The result of all this is complete chaos and mayhem, like what happened in my case as outlined above. All the while that you have been “coping with time” you have in fact wasted a lot of time in just grappling and coming to terms. Apart from that think of the relationships that have caught rust, the erstwhile friendships, the once upon a time bonding, the effect on your health – basically if you are preoccupied with one or a few selected aspects of your life – the rest get affected – that is the cost that you pay for “not finding time”

It’s never too late once realization sets in. The only thing remaining is to take corrective action. I have taken my first steps. How about you?

Expect more from yourself and least from others!

purposeIt is easy to say “do not have expectation from anyone.” But its easier said than done! In any married relationship, high level of expectations are bound to exist. So what is the best way to cope with one’s expectations of others? There’s a simple principle – expect more from yourself than from others!

The essential thing to keep in mind is that although the expectations may be justified, one should realize that all expectations may not be fulfilled by his/her spouse. So when reality sets in, since you already realize that all your expectations may not get fulfilled, it is easier to accept.

I believe: “Have the least expectations from others and the highest expectations from yourself.” That is the right path to happiness and growth.

When one has the least expectations from others (by realizing that all his expectations may not be fulfilled), and things do not happen as one realizes, he is already prepared for this, so is able to accept the reality. When one has too many expectations from others and expects all to be fulfilled, the person gets hurt when they do not get filled some times, which hurts the relationship in turn.

On the other hand, I believe that one must have high expectations from oneself. This is very essential to one’s growth. If I do not have expectations to reach my goals, if I do not expect myself to perform or if I do not expect myself to become a better person, then I am not using my potential to the highest. If I have high expectations from myself, I will strive more and more to reach my goals, to be a performer and to become a better person.

So for peace of mind, realize that all your expectations (although justified), from the other person may not be fulfilled. And for one’s growth and excellence one  should have high levels of expectations from oneself. So expect more from yourself and the lesser expectations from others.

Here’s wishing you all the excellence you desire!

-Raj