Monthly Archives: February 2009

The magic of appreciation!

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Appreciation. This one word doesn’t seem special when read but when applied in practice it tends to create magic, and literally so! This piece of word when turned to action, plays a great role in boosting a person’s confidence. So what’s in it for you? Well, you have made someone’s day, for starters. And that person will never forget you when your genuine compliment boosted his confidence and he accomplished something. More importantly, you bring a smile on someone’s face. That’s a great feeling, let me assure you.

So how easy is to compliment someone? It’s quite simple, but one has to practice this to be good at it. Compliment your friend about the red dress she is wearing, appreciate your kid’s gesture of being helpful to a stranger, tell your wife how beautiful she is; be it any occasion or any person, the common thread is to be genuine. Because unless it is genuine, a compliment is not effective.

Another factor that increases the impact of your compliment is when you do it immediately after an action. If your appreciation comes too late, the effect is lesser than if it was done as soon as the action or task was accomplished.

My dad is a great inspiration for me in life: and when it comes to appreciation he is as prompt and as effective as one can be. It is from him that I learnt that appreciation builds not just one’s confidence but it also increases the person’s enthusiasm to work even more harder and efficiently. A simple appreciation builds not just helps the receiver’s personality but it also builds relationships.

If anyone helps you in any which way, do not forget to recognize his help and thank him. If someone is looking good, give her a compliment – it will boost her enthusiasm and builds positivity. The next time you find your kid help an elderly, appreciate his gesture so that he knows this is a good thing and he can build on this and grow into a helping person.

Appreciation should not be only for deeds done for you or for any help done to you. Selfless appreciation is the greates vitamin for one’s personality that can be. It helps bringing out the best in a person even more vividly.

So go on and make someone’s day!

-Raj

Can you escape Karma?

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I strongly believe in Karma. Not just because I am religious, but because I believe that one’s actions affects the person directly or indirectly. Simply said, one’s acts become his/her destiny.

What you give is what you get in return. Do good, and nature definitely returns you the favor. Do something wrong/evil/unethical and it sure will come back to you some day in some form. As Alicia Keys says in her song Karma “what goes around, comes around” and it definitely does!

When something bad happens, people never realize that it could be happening to them because  of something they did in the past. It is essential to be aware of one’s doings, to set the future course on the right path.

In an earlier article, I had written about choices and their consequences. While one has control over their choices, the same is not the case with the resulting consequences. So it is very essential to analyze one’s decisions – may it be business, professional or social. Any wrong action has a direct impact on the person.

What we do to others is a result of what we think of and for them. When the feelings of jealousy, anger and revenge set in, the rest happens quickly. So it is essential to keep a tab on one’s thoughts.

The kind of thoughts and actions we relate to are what makes us what we are and sets the course for what we will become. But the net of Karma is even deeper. It keeps a track of all your good and bad and keeps a precise record of all your deeds. And it also is prompt in giving back to you what is owed to you – depending on your actions, ofcourse!

I look forward to your thoughts!

– Raj

Right or Wrong – Negativity always follows you…

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A great thought flashed today, and I have even coined a phrase for it. When you are a success, people will find faults to put you down whether you did it the right way (ethical) or wrong (unethical). If you chose the wrong path on the way to success, you will be put down and rightly so.”

When a person is successful, say he makes a million dollars in a short span of time, there will be a lot of people to praise his achievement and who will be in awe of that person. As expected, there will also be a fair few negative people who will point out the negative side of the picture and will try to pull him down (the millionaire in this case) by finding fault.

The point is that whether you succeed by sticking to your values and ethics or going against the law, there is one thing in common although both instances are on two different moral planes. The common factor is that in either circumstances, there will be people to put you down.

As is the nature of negative people, they cannot bear the sight of people who have been successful. So if that guy has earned those millions by applying the values and ethics, then in no circumstance can any one put him down. But on the other hand, if he is a millionaire because he cheated or did some thing illegal or by any other unethical means, he will be pulled down for sure. And how? The negative mongrels are out there to find a reason to put him down in any circumstance.

So what am I getting at? There is a great line that aptly describes my line of thought – “You can never be right by doing wrong and you can never be wrong by doing right.” So if you have reached the peak of success with the right values and ethics, no one can pull you down except for yourself. But if that success was built on unethical means, then you will be pulled down by ever so happy negativity seekers.

So beware of those negative people. Although they are no do-gooders by default, they do have the power to hurt you if you are on the wrong side. So be on the right path, and no negativity can touch you!

Wish you all the success (on the right way, ofcourse)

-Raj Bokdia

Expect more from yourself and least from others!

purposeIt is easy to say “do not have expectation from anyone.” But its easier said than done! In any married relationship, high level of expectations are bound to exist. So what is the best way to cope with one’s expectations of others? There’s a simple principle – expect more from yourself than from others!

The essential thing to keep in mind is that although the expectations may be justified, one should realize that all expectations may not be fulfilled by his/her spouse. So when reality sets in, since you already realize that all your expectations may not get fulfilled, it is easier to accept.

I believe: “Have the least expectations from others and the highest expectations from yourself.” That is the right path to happiness and growth.

When one has the least expectations from others (by realizing that all his expectations may not be fulfilled), and things do not happen as one realizes, he is already prepared for this, so is able to accept the reality. When one has too many expectations from others and expects all to be fulfilled, the person gets hurt when they do not get filled some times, which hurts the relationship in turn.

On the other hand, I believe that one must have high expectations from oneself. This is very essential to one’s growth. If I do not have expectations to reach my goals, if I do not expect myself to perform or if I do not expect myself to become a better person, then I am not using my potential to the highest. If I have high expectations from myself, I will strive more and more to reach my goals, to be a performer and to become a better person.

So for peace of mind, realize that all your expectations (although justified), from the other person may not be fulfilled. And for one’s growth and excellence one  should have high levels of expectations from oneself. So expect more from yourself and the lesser expectations from others.

Here’s wishing you all the excellence you desire!

-Raj

See things through a child’s eyes!

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Every person who is frustrated with the trials of life has a lot of questions, such as “Why me?”, “Why should all these problems find me?”, “What have I done wrong to be shown all the wrong sides of life?” I am sure you will agree with me on this.

Many a times I have found myself pondering why everyone of us seems to be caught in some kind of problem, stress or trouble; why almost everyone of us seem to think that we are being tested!

Once I was watching a 3 year old child playing. She was so lost in her own merry world she was not even aware who was watching her, not bothered what everyone else was doing, happy on her own. The infant was creating a tower from those plastic cubes and suddenly the tower collapsed. The child was disappointed but started all over again. And this went on and on and on.

At that age, for that kid all her worries were about exploring the things around her, playing with her toys and enjoying the time. While she was at her task, although there were many times when she couldn’t reach her goal, she would start all over again – all in fun and positive spirit.

Then it flashed to me. When we were  kids, even we  were like that child – lost in our own world and making merry even when the tower falls down. A child does not understand ego, a child does not understand attitude problems, a child is free from false pride. As the child grows and imbibes a little understanding of the world, he is no longer the same innocent child.

The transformation from child to a young adult and then again from adolescence to an adult brings a lot of exposure and during the process the adult who once was an innocent child has learnt/created the concept of jealousy, anger, hatred, irritability, comparison, ego, and various other negative attributes.

When this flashed to me, I realised that as a person’s understanding and maturity increases, his problems increase. Not because he is not capable of handling them, but because he has created them because of his very own maturity. If he retained the same innocence and the spirit when he was a child, a lot of his so called problems will not seem that way.

So what is required is a change in perspective. The very ingredient called maturity that supposedly enables us make decisions better, is an hindrance. We think a lot about what others will think about us.

And that’s where the problems start. When we complicate things for ourselves, we see only problems but forget that it was self-created in the first place. So what is required is to take a look at things like a child would and move on.

That little kid enlightened me by just being herself and I sure hope this piece was worth your time reading it.

God bless.

-Raj Bokdia

Neutral Reactions – Positive Life

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I have realized over time how essential it is to be able to be in the positive frame of mind in all circumstances. I have realized that the way I react to a scenario, has a direct impact on my behavior and mood. I have also realized that I have control over my thoughts, that I have control over how I react in different circumstances.

But this is now. When I wasn’t so enlightened, even small things that didn’t go my way would make me irritable and angry. As a consequence, my mind would be filled with all sorts of thoughts of remorse, regret and “If only I had done this the other way…” kind of justifications. All this would only lead to negativity.

On hindsight, I have now realized that the best way to handle any situation is to stay neutral. This only comes with practice. So the best way is to practice with small things as well as even in positive circumstances. If one has to think neutral, he/she has to be so in all situations – positive or negative or else it will not be as effective.

If I can be neutral to any circumstance, be it positive or negative, I am better equipped to handle any unforeseen circumstance. When I say be neutral, I am not saying to not react at all.

For every positive circumstance be glad, but don’t go overboard and get overconfident or proud. Find out what you did right and keep that in your memory. Accepting all successes and positive circumstances humbly is a great way to stay neutral. Similarly, for every negative incident, one doesn’t need a week’s isolation and self-remorse to recover. Instead the best thing to do is to accept the situation. Pick out the lesson, and have faith in your abilities.

So when we are better able to cope with negativity and are neutral in even the brightest of moments, we are programming our mind to see both sides of the coin as normal and manageable. This better equips us to cope with all situations better and accept reality easily and quickly.

Best wishes

-Raj